Months

January:

My year started with you. 

It's funny how many promises and wishes we have when we are young. 

Nowadays I know I have to be more realistic.

It was difficult. 

You were my brother's best friend. 

Both of us know there was something between us, although it actually didn't happen.

We both know it could have been. 

Sometimes I still wonder.

I'm sure you do too.

February:

Love, love, love. 

There are so many letters that I wrote you and never gave you, texts that I never had the courage to send.

I was never capable of saying my feelings out loud. 

Or maybe I wasn't sure of how I felt about you. 

I'm never sure when it comes to you. 

One day I only saw you as my best friend, and the next one all I wanted to do was grab your hand forever.

I was so vulnerable when it came to you.

I'm not anymore.

March:

There's not much to say about you.

You were so quiet all the time, and I was always expecting more from you.

I mean, I liked you. 

I really, really, really did. 

But I needed something else.

It was strange, what we had. 

We never told the things that mattered. 

We were there but it felt like we weren't. 

We were so close and yet so far.

I guess we were too young to know how to love each other, to speak up.

April:

I've always loved to receive gifts and attention on my birthday and I mean, who doesn't?

I guess that's what I loved about you too.

You were always there for me.

You never forgot about the little details, like bringing me flowers or opening the door for me.

You gave me all your attention and I didn't treat you the way you deserved.

You were a good person, but I guess I just wanted your attention, not you.

I hope you find someone that appreciates you the way I couldn't.

May:

I met you at a concert.

I don't know if it was the alcohol, the music or that it was too late to think clearly, but I fell completely for you.

I was crazy about the way you looked at me.

I was willing to stay with you, no matter the distance between us.

I guess you thought that some kilometres were stronger than what we had.

I don't go to concerts anymore.

June:

I spent my whole time waiting for you.

You always kept me waiting.

You were the most exciting and complicated of all.

I don't know what it was about you.

Maybe it was that you were older than me and the way you talked, like you had the world in your hands.

Maybe it was the way you said you would never hurt me.

Maybe it was the way you always had the perfect excuse when you did.

I don't tremble anymore when I hear your name.

July:

You were the kind of boy who would wrap a hand around my waist and explain that you were keeping me safe.

And I always felt lucky to have you.

You always said what I wanted to hear.

You always did what I was expecting you to do.

You were just perfect.

But you weren't perfect for me.

Maybe 'perfect' is just not my type.

I hope some day you can understand why I couldn't stay.

August:

It was finished before it was even started.

We were just so wrong for each other. 

We didn't know how to be apart, but we didn't know how to be together either. 

We wanted each other. 

I'm sure we did. 

We just didn't want a relationship and we weren't brave enough to accept that.

I'm sorry for what we did to each other.

September:

I wasn't ready for you.

I wasn't ready to love you.

You wanted to fix me so much that you didn't realize it wasn't your job to do that. 

You were kind and selfless.

You were just what I needed. 

I simply didn't know it at that time.

I'm sure that in another reality I love you the same way you love me.

October:

It's like you were wearing a costume the whole time we were together.

I was so blinded by your smile that I never realized what was happening in front of me.

I was so in love with you that your faults were invisible to me.

I fell for a person that I didn't really know.

We were just another lost cause.

Promise me you won't do the same to the next girl who loves you, don't leave her hanging like that. 

Love her properly, or don't love her at all.

November:

I played with your feelings just because I wasn't sure of mine.

There's nothing I regret more.

All I wanted was you to make me feel the way he did. 

I'm sorry I couldn't understand that you were two completely different people. 

Now I know I can't teach a person how to love me.

I hope you have found your happiness.

I really do.

December:

I'm so happy to finish the year with you.

You're the best thing that has happened to me.

I know our relationship isn't perfect, we have our fights and disagreements, but there's something about you that makes me want to fix things.

I want this to work out. 

I want to give my hundred percent for you, for us. 

You were the only person capable of changing me.

And I thank you for that, I thank you for making me love another person just in the right way.

— m.f. // Months