Ugly truths

You don't wear sunscreen during summer and you'll take shots of anything because you want to show people you don't have a care in the world. But it's hard for anyone to see beyond all of your skeletons and repressed memories in the first place. You light fires just to see how quickly you can put them out. And you are always three steps ahead of the person next to you. Sometimes you start fights just to see how long it takes for you to come out on top. But everyone can see that you'd never hold somebody's heart just for the opportunity to drop it. You do things that you shouldn't do and you kiss boys that you shouldn't kiss. Your shameless flirting with self destruction won't be ending anytime soon because you let others love you to the point where you are too stubborn to love yourself. You believe that soulmates are meant to be your other half. But you should also consider the possibility that maybe soulmates are those who help you find the pieces you were looking for in others, in yourself. There are rainstorms in your tear ducts and butterflies in your stomach. Sometimes you feel like the earth might shatter beneath the gentle touch of your fingertips. Your hands are at your own throat because you are too generous. You have been taken for granted one too many times. So stop tearing yourself apart just to keep others whole. Remember that you are a flower born in the midst of a drought and plucking your own petals until there's nothing left would be a huge disappointment. According to others, you're supposed to be the balanced one. But right now you are struggling and can't tell the difference between desire and love. You're telling him to kiss your neck when you really want him to kiss your mind. But you're so torn between being passionate and being loved that maybe you don't know the difference. You get drunk off of cheap thrills. But when it comes to letting people close to you, you still need someone to hold your hand. Maybe you don't trust yourself to trust others. "I like holding your hands because they're warm" he tells you. "But what happens when they're not?" you think.

— m.f. // Ugly truths