Letter to my ex #3

If I had a chance to rewrite my life, would I still include you? The truth is that I don't know. It's not that I regret you, but sometimes I wish I had walked away at the start and left things at hello. Sometimes I wish you could've heard me sing every time you heard me cry. Sometimes I wish I hadn't give you the best part of me.

I remember how when I was little I always wanted to get the teddy bear with the ripped paw or the missing eye. I wanted to give the damaged ones a home. Maybe that explains why I tried so hard to fix you. Maybe that's the reason why I always end up breaking myself.

Now that I've grown up I know that happily ever after only exists in fairy tales, but for a long time you treated me like a princess and it made me believe that maybe we could have had that happy ending. I was so wrong and it hurts so much.

It's not that I want you back or that I still have feelings for you. What kills me is that for the longest time I cared so much and now I find out that you never cared at all. All it would have taken to showed you cared was a phone call that night. It never came. And now all of the good memories seem so fake.

You wanted someone to take care of you, I thought I would be able to. You found your home 

inside the little cracks of my soul. You grew as I fractured. Maybe my poems are just a pretty way of saying that you fucked me up. Maybe one day I will forgive you, but until then there are scars in every part you have touched.

If I had a chance to rewrite my life, would I still include you? The truth is that I probably would. I can't change what we had. And certainly, I can't change how it ended. But the way I see it today, you were just another lesson.

— m.f. // Letter to my ex #3