You'll heal

It was the kind of love that has the power to save you, to get you through life. It was like breathing. You had to do it in order to live. And when it was over, your soul started to bleed. I know there's no pain in the world like that.

When you lose someone who used to be your entire universe, it hits you. All the chances you didn't take, all the things you didn't say. Because the truth is that you think you have forever, but you don't. You never do.

It's crazy how much of yourself you can lose in a person. It's dangerous how attached and addicted you can become to someone. But just because you're used to them being in your life, it doesn't mean they're supposed to stay with you forever. Sometimes two people can love each other very much and it still won't be enough. And this is a lesson no one ever learns until it's too late and because they have to.

He isn't the only love your heart will ever know. He isn't the only heartbreak you will suffer either. And I know it all seems like darkness now, but one day you'll look at the sky and it'll be light again. One day, you will wake up. You will be able to take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, go to school, eat lunch, go to class and come home. And you'll be able to do all of that without thinking about him.

Just because you miss him, it doesn't mean you should go back to him. Sometimes you have to just keep missing him until you wake up one morning and realise that you don't anymore.

He isn't going to text you, leave the house without your phone instead of holding it so hard in your hands waiting desperately with agony for him to miss you. 

If he isn't reaching out to you, don't reach out for him. Let yourself feel the pain. It's okay to cry. You're not pathetic for still being in love with him, it only makes you human. Break something, scream. Your feelings are valid and it's okay to explode sometimes.

Write, write until your wrist is aching. Find peace within the ink and paper. Share your thoughts freely until your heart heals. Write his name over and over again. Explain how angry you are. Burn it. Tear it up. You have every right to be mad, as long as you're not taking it out on yourself. As long as you're not blaming yourself.

Just because he stopped loving you, it does't mean you have permission to do the same. You're worthy of all the love in the world and you deserve no less. Don't let him leaving determine your worth. You are loved and you deserve to be here. Don't let anyone convince you of the opposite.

Wear that dress, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat "I deserve to be loved, I'm here and that's enough" over and over again. Memorise it, yell it, keep it in mind. Remind yourself there's only one you and there's nobody who can replace that. 

Smile more. Laugh until your lungs hurt. Sing so loud your throat starts to dry out. Dance in front of the mirror. Treat yourself. Take chances. Don't be embarrassed to be yourself.

Learn to survive alone. You only need your own self. Stop depending on others to make you happy. Learn to do you. Use this time of freedom to explore yourself. Find out who you truly are. Give yourself time to breathe. You owe it to yourself. 

Don't let strange boys into your bedroom. They won't make you forget him. Maybe temporarily. But when the lights are off and you're all alone, the ache will be back and it's only going to come on stronger.

We all have a someone we don't want to let go. Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering. Just remember that you will never find the thing that will make you happy, if you can't let go of the thing that was supposed to. When it's over, leave. Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. Stop planting flowers in peoples yards who aren't going to water them.

I know it's hard to stop loving the ocean, even after it has left you gasping. But as time goes on, you'll understand. What lasts, lasts. What doesn't, doesn't. Time solves most things. And what time can't solve, you have to solve it yourself.

— m.f. // You'll heal