How to be okay again

i. Write his name on a piece of lined paper over and over again. When it stops looking like poetry to you, light a match and watch the flames consume the page. Breathe in the smoke and smell the chemicals until you feel sick then cough, cough him out of your lungs. It’s the only way to let him out without leaving a mark.

ii. Go outside and go for a walk. Don’t bring your coat. Let the cold air touch your skin and cover you in goosebumps. Don’t bring your headphones either. Listen to the sound of the world spinning, changing and moving. Feel alive without him.

iii. Sit on the floor of your shower and let the cold water fall down on you like rain. Think about how seconds ago the same water that was touching your skin is now flowing in the drain. Remember that everything is temporary.

iv. Stop sleeping with his hoodie. It doesn’t even smell like him anymore and as each day passes you feel more pathetic falling asleep with it wrapped around you hoping to wake up beside more than just a reminder that he’s fucking gone.

v. Sing the song that reminds you of him. When you get to the chorus scream each lyric as loud as your shaky voice will let you. Reclaim it as your own and stop letting him have the biggest parts of you.

vi. Sleep until 2 in the afternoon, then go to the restaurant he took you to on your first date and have breakfast by yourself. When you stop shaking, drink your coffee slowly and write a poem in your journal that isn’t about him. Eat the shitty eggs they bring you and leave a big tip. When you’re leaving smile at the waiter who has been staring at you the whole time you were there. Not to flirt, but to show him and even to show yourself that in time, you’re slowly getting better.

— m.f. // How to be okay again