Only for the moment

I don't want to wait to meet again.

Fuck the coffee shop where we supposedly 

end up sitting next to each other 

and while you order I recognize your voice 

so I turn around and say hello 

and one of us ends up dropping a cup 

and we leave a few hours later hand in hand.

Fuck a crowded room where we magically 

lock eyes through every one 

and realize we still love each other.

And that I still set your insides on fire.

Fuck that. I'm not going to wait 

to be somewhere a million miles away 

from where I am right now 

and pray that I bump into you there.

I don't want to do that.

I want you and I want you now.

We'll say sorry.

We can. I know we can.

We'll patch up our cuts.

Kiss it and make it all better.

I'll tell you I love you.

And you better damn try one more time.

Because you set my insides on fire

and I don't want to put it out.

Roll the dice.

I'm not going to wait

and you shouldn't either.

m.f. // Some things are only for the moment 

and this is one of them

Valentine's Day

On this Valentine's Day

promise to love yourself better,

promise you will get to know yourself again.

I. Take yourself out to dinner. Get a glass of white wine and the most french-sounding dish on the menu. Try to awaken your hunger. Get dessert. Even get two.

II. Get yourself flowers. Pale pink and powder blue. Something that smells nice and lasts no time. Something wonderful and fleeting. Something that has no function other than beauty. Get yourself flowers and smile when you wake up in the morning, knowing you made yourself happy.

III. Buy yourself lingerie. Something that makes you feel sexy, not look sexy. Something you will feel good in. Black lace, yes. Black lace is always a good idea. Remember how you used to not fear darkness.

IV. Watch your favourite movie in bed. All messy bun and oversized pyjamas. Laugh and cry. And laugh again. Don't wipe your tears away. Let them dry on your cheeks, slowly. Feel what it is like when sadness evaporates.

V. Dance. Play the songs you loved before you met him. The songs you loved when you were still whole. Play the songs you listened to when you were becoming. When you were growing wings. Play music from a past life and say goodbye. Then, then look for a new favorite. For a new tune to set your heart to.

VI. Miss him. And let yourself feel it, for a moment. Then remember: you are the one you will spend the rest of your life with. You are the one you need to heal. You are the one you need to love. Remember you are the one. Remember and smile. Feel the warmth of your own love.

m.f. // Valentine's Day

Still portrait of us

For a second, 

I picture us like a still portrait 

where nothing's changed. 

You're the same person 

I first fell in love with 

and time isn't ticking here, 

so the pressure to make 

things okay between us 

isn't really there. 

We take our time with it. 

My doubt doesn't exist 

and neither do your insecurities. 

In this portrait of us, 

we never put distance 

between us and much 

less other people. 

I never fall in love 

with two people 

at the same time so you 

never have to learn about 

what it takes to forgive. 

You never let anger grow 

and I never fall asleep 

feeling unworthy. 

In another universe, 

I'm convinced we 

were meant to be together. 

And we got stuck here. 

In another universe, 

we never stopped loving 

each other and we never 

got tired of trying.

m.f. // Still portrait of us